1. To avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables, get someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. To avoid arguments with the ladies about liftimg the toilet seat - use the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducimg the pressure on your veins. (Remember to use a timer.)
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and goimg back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives - you'll be afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
Hope this helps.
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