British Humour

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Lins
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Joined: 01 Nov 2008, 19:38

British Humour

Post by Lins »

BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little ..
Bites!


FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.


FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.





COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.





JOINING NUDIST COLONY !
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.





**** And the WINNER is... ****




FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.


Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"



>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children Are Quick
____________________________________




TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
______________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.




(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off
Lins, Molly and Scooby

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A house isn't a home without at least one Labrador
Megsmum
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Location: Warwickshire

Re: British Humour

Post by Megsmum »

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Helen and Merry x

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Remembering my beautiful Meg 1992-2008 and my darling Mollie 2009-2018
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Willow
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Location: Summerseat, Lancs

Re: British Humour

Post by Willow »

Some good ones there! :rofl: :rofl:
Joanna & Toby xx
Willow, my labrador soulmate, my one in a million..
Jan 2003 - May 2011

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scubakim
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Location: Lancashire

Re: British Humour

Post by scubakim »

Definitely some good uns that made me chuckle :rofl:
Kim, Murphy & Amy x

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jackiem
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Joined: 28 Sep 2007, 16:35
Location: Staffordshire Moorlands

Re: British Humour

Post by jackiem »

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Jackie
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coco-bean
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Location: Cheshire

Re: British Humour

Post by coco-bean »

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: love them :1972:
Debbie, Coco, Kinder & Buttons XXX

Who ever said diamonds are a girls best friend..... Never owned a Labrador or three
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