Showing your dog
Posted: 06 Aug 2009, 18:32
Hi
This was sent by a work colleague:
Maybe one for Abi - best read aloud in Pam Ayers style.
FIRST TIME AT A DOG SHOW
First time at a dog show, I'll tell you quite plain:
I'll never, no never go near one again!
The breeder said 'show him', when I brought my dog,
I showed him alright - the place was agog.
They gave me a number, they gave me a pin
But I couldn't bear to stick the thing in.
So I rushed to the shop and bought some clear glue,
Then I stuck the card to his back in the loo.
We arrived at the ringside to find we were first
In the puppy dog class (This part is the worst)
We walked in together as fast as we were able,
Arrived at the judge who said. 'Up on the table'.
This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight,
And I couldn't quite make it, try as I might.
The judge looked a bit worried, he said 'Listen here
Put your dog on the table, not you my dear'
By now I was trembling, I felt such a fool
But I said to myself 'Just play it cool'
'How old?' asked the judge, I heard it quite clear
'Really' I thought and said. '30 next year'
The steward, poor fellow, threw some sort of fit
He spluttered, he coughed and his eyes ran a bit.
'I'd have that cough seen to,' I said to him when
He'd finally stopped. then he started again.
'Once round the ring dear, as fast as you can'
Said the judge, so I did, I just ran and ran.
But when I arrived back (out of breath I admit)
The judge said. 'With your dog dear' I felt such a twit.
Off round once again, I kept my head bent.
Oh the shame as my pup crouched, he just went and went.
A lady came running with bucket and spade
With manure so pricey has she got it made!
We came back to the judge, who said with a frown
'Stand your dog' - I said 'Please, Sir, he's not lying down'
'You can take first place stand' he said, and I said 'Ta'
What a job I had getting that stand in the car!!!
Enjoy
Dave, Sara & Bonnie
This was sent by a work colleague:
Maybe one for Abi - best read aloud in Pam Ayers style.
FIRST TIME AT A DOG SHOW
First time at a dog show, I'll tell you quite plain:
I'll never, no never go near one again!
The breeder said 'show him', when I brought my dog,
I showed him alright - the place was agog.
They gave me a number, they gave me a pin
But I couldn't bear to stick the thing in.
So I rushed to the shop and bought some clear glue,
Then I stuck the card to his back in the loo.
We arrived at the ringside to find we were first
In the puppy dog class (This part is the worst)
We walked in together as fast as we were able,
Arrived at the judge who said. 'Up on the table'.
This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight,
And I couldn't quite make it, try as I might.
The judge looked a bit worried, he said 'Listen here
Put your dog on the table, not you my dear'
By now I was trembling, I felt such a fool
But I said to myself 'Just play it cool'
'How old?' asked the judge, I heard it quite clear
'Really' I thought and said. '30 next year'
The steward, poor fellow, threw some sort of fit
He spluttered, he coughed and his eyes ran a bit.
'I'd have that cough seen to,' I said to him when
He'd finally stopped. then he started again.
'Once round the ring dear, as fast as you can'
Said the judge, so I did, I just ran and ran.
But when I arrived back (out of breath I admit)
The judge said. 'With your dog dear' I felt such a twit.
Off round once again, I kept my head bent.
Oh the shame as my pup crouched, he just went and went.
A lady came running with bucket and spade
With manure so pricey has she got it made!
We came back to the judge, who said with a frown
'Stand your dog' - I said 'Please, Sir, he's not lying down'
'You can take first place stand' he said, and I said 'Ta'
What a job I had getting that stand in the car!!!
Enjoy
Dave, Sara & Bonnie
