Church Ladys

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Garyt
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Posts: 586
Joined: 19 Aug 2008, 22:19

Church Ladys

Post by Garyt »

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies
with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared
in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:
'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone
who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So
ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow..
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered..
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the
back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up yours!
Lins
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Posts: 4999
Joined: 01 Nov 2008, 19:38

Re: Church Ladys

Post by Lins »

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Lins, Molly and Scooby

Image
A house isn't a home without at least one Labrador
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jackiem
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Posts: 2679
Joined: 28 Sep 2007, 16:35
Location: Staffordshire Moorlands

Re: Church Ladys

Post by jackiem »

Wonderful! :rofl:
Jackie
playpen
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Posts: 538
Joined: 10 Aug 2007, 02:05
Location: Wigan

Re: Church Ladys

Post by playpen »

Great

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
HAVE HOPE FOR THE FUTURE
heidi

Re: Church Ladys

Post by heidi »

Fantastic, really mafe me chuckle

Heidi

:occasion7:
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Linda&David
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Posts: 273
Joined: 09 Aug 2008, 20:14
Location: north yorks

Re: Church Ladys

Post by Linda&David »

:1968: :1968: :1968:



David.
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carolb
Homing Coordinator
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Posts: 703
Joined: 13 May 2008, 19:33
Location: Longton

Re: Church Ladys

Post by carolb »

:1966: :1966: Some good ones there :thumbright:
Rehoming co ordinator. Tel 07399559202.
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