Just to brighten your day
Posted: 17 Jan 2012, 03:37
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance.
I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week.
I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably, and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning. Can you believe that? - 2:30am!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my trumpet.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador .
"Bugger that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor.
She only had £1.20 in her purse.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow.
I said you're obviously not listening.
The wife had been missing for a week. Police had told me to prepare for the worst.
So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Talk about Dyson with death.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance.
I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week.
I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably, and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning. Can you believe that? - 2:30am!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my trumpet.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador .
"Bugger that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor.
She only had £1.20 in her purse.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow.
I said you're obviously not listening.
The wife had been missing for a week. Police had told me to prepare for the worst.
So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
