More Quick Jokes
Posted: 08 Feb 2009, 20:42
Two blondes walk into a building....you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
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Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
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'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
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"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
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"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
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Phone answering machine message - ..."If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key."
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
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Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat boy!"
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places." The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore."
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Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
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WHAT'S the difference between outlaws and inlaws? outlaws are wanted!
..............................................
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
...............................................
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
...............................................
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
................................................
'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
...................................................
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
.....................................................
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
.....................................................
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
........................................................
Phone answering machine message - ..."If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key."
.......................................................
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
.........................................................
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
........................................................
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
..........................................................
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat boy!"
..........................................................
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
............................................................
A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places." The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore."
..........................................................
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
..........................................................
WHAT'S the difference between outlaws and inlaws? outlaws are wanted!
