Dear All

[Diesel Kate]

Dear All


My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past
year.........


I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about
cockroach eggs in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel
with every envelope that needs sealing.


Also, I now have to scrub the top of every
can I open for the same reason..


I no longer have a lot of savings because I gave it to
a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program .....


Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria
who wants me to split £7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost
relative of a customer who died intestate.


I no longer worry about my soul because I
have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my
every wish.


I
no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo
on a hot day.


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.



Because of
your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.



I no longer
can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer
won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.


I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.



I no longer
answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will
get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .



Thanks to
you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is
lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.



And thanks to
your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car
park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath
my car to grab my leg.


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
grow a hairy hump.
I know
this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.



By the way....a South
American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ
who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on
the mouse.


Don't
bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[Glenys]

Brilliant !!

[janhind]

:D :D

[jackiem]

[CarolynM]

Love it

Now I am worried about envelopes and opening tins!!!! :D

I am not worried about the money ones cos we haven't got any - but it gives me an idea. Watch out for emails coming from a long lost relative in Blackpool ........

[dogspaw]

Several years ago when we rented a cruiser on the Norfolk Broads, that African spider was REALLY waiting in the toilet basin when I visited the loo during the night . Quite put me off :D Jill

[Gemma T]