Dog showing Jargon for beginners

[littlelab]

Jargon

Now, I know in every specialist field,
There’s a certain kind of patter,
To decide at length and make some sense,
Of things that really matter.

There’s computer jibe and hi-tec vibe,
It’s enough to make you reel.
But none of these brings unease
Like the "Doggie Person’s" spiel.

If you thought C.Cs were a kind of chip,
And B.I.G meant something large,
You’re not along if you feel confused,
To the novice it’s quite a barrage.

A "monorchid" is not an exotic flower,
"Close coulpled" is not romantic,
"Lay back" is not an attitude,
It’s enough to make you frantic.

A "staring coat" is not a garment with eyes,
"Sway back" is not a kind of dance.
"Tucked up" is not what you do in bed,
"Set up" is not a fraud, but a stance.

"Undershot" isn’t a misfired gun,
And a "Gay tail" is not a nancy.
This terminology can be tough,
On those not of the fancy.

"Cow hocks" are not strictly bovine,
A "Good-doer" is not always a saint.
A "Down face" can often be cheerful,
If you think "smut" is rude, well it ain’t!

A "Shoulder" can sometimes be "Bossy",
A "Stern" can often be "High",
A "Stifle" should always be "Well bent",
But what on earth is a good "Second Thigh".

If you find this all too confusing,
Over you head and sick of the hype,
And you just want to baffle the experts,
Then say:

Ah! But isn’t he loaded with "TYPE"

[jackiem]

Very good.
I must admit that I had an email at work today that I could not understand. It was from a recruitment lady who was telling me what magnificent candidates she had (I think!) but I had to read it two or three times to understand what she was trying to tell me because she had used so much jargon. I won't be asking her to send potential members of staff if they all talk the same language as her! I must be getting old.

[Glenys]

Brilliant !

here is another


First Time at a dog show I'll tell you quite plain
I'll never,no never go near one again
We arrived at the ringside to find we were first
In the puppy class(this part is the worst)
We marched in together as fast as were able
Arrived at the judge who said(up on the table)
This really suprised me as my skirt was quite tight
and I just couldnt make it try as I might
The Judge looked quite worried he said listen here
put your dog on the table,not you my dear
By now I was trembling I felt such a fool
But I said to myself,play it cool play it cool
How old said the Judge I heard it quite clear

Well really ! I said Thirty next year
The steward poor fellow threw a kind of a fit
he spluttered he coughed and his eyes ran a bit
Id have that cough seen to I said to him when
he'd finally stopped,then he started again

Once round the ring dear as fast as you can
So i did .....I just ran and ran
But when I arrived (Out of breath I admit)
The Judge said now With your dog dear I felt such a twit
We came back to the judge who said with a frown
Stand your dog please I said Sir hes not lying down


he said take first prize stand
What a Job I had getting that stand in the car!

Writer unknown