Wrapping presents with a labrador pup
1. Get a chew bone to keep puppy occupied.
2. Go upstairs to get the presents and wrapping paper etc.
3. Pick yourself up off the floor after falling at the bottom of the stairs on puppy who was waiting after hearing the rustling of paper.
4. Put on running shoes to race around the room and garden trying to retreive the stolen gifts.
5. Once you have retreived the half chewed chocolates that you brought for Aunty Lil rewrap them into their individual wrappers.
6. Chase puppy to get selotape to stick chocolate box back together.
7. Due to stress open Uncle Bill’s present (bottle of whisky) to calm yourself down.
8. Pick yourself up from the floor after slipping in puppy wee when you returned from the kitchen after getting the lemonade for the whisky.
9. Return to kitchen to get a cloth to clean up the spilled lemonade.
10. Go to shed to get a fuse to replace the broken fuse to the lights on the tree as the spilt lemonade sprayed on the tree and blew the fuse.
11. Pour yourself a drink to dull the pain from your bleeding nose after standing on the garden rake that puppy knocked over in the shed.
12. Chase puppy around to retreive the bloodied tissues that you inadvertantly left on the table whilst pouring yourself a drink.
13. Extract from puppy’s mouth mum’s present (jumper) and push in the pulled threads back into garment caused from trying to retreive it.
14. Repeat the process above on the sleeve of the jumper that was being pulled whilst you tried to repair previous damage to jumper.
15. Get cloth from kitchen to wipe up spilt whisky.
16. Return to kitchen to get cloth to wipe up the enormous pool of wee that puppy managed to squeeze out onto the already wrapped presents in the short time you were returning to the kitchen with the cloth from wiping up the spilt whisky.
17. Spray unwrapped/soggy garments with Fabreze and place on radiator to dry.
18. Chase puppy to retreive garments pulled off radiator.
19. Follow instructions as in 13 & 14 to repair damaged garments.
20. Frantically look for that elusive second roll of selotape as the first one now is totally useless as it has been chewed by puppy.
21. Return to living room and stand christmas tree back up which is now strewn across the floor from puppy knocking it over.
22. Return to kitchen to find tweezers to remove shards from broken plastic bauble that has pierced your foot after treading on it whilst trying to get the 10’ foot garland of tinsel which has now been shreaded to 6’’ lengths by puppy.
23. Now totally battered and bruised from the injuries sustained from trying to keep puppy in control decide to give up wrapping presents and take all presnets, shredded paper and selotape back upstairs.
24. Go to kitchen to get from get another whisky and water as no lemonade left.
25. Returning from the kitchen pick yourself up from the floor as you fall over puppy who is fast asleep.
26. Call wife on mobile to get her to come back home from final christmas shop so that she can take you to accident and emergency as you suspect you have broken your leg from falling over puppy.
Dave
